Having stayed in hotels around the world throughout my life I came across a similar list which has been around for a long time and thought it needed some updating.
On the left a picture of the second worst room I stayed so far, which was in Holland.
On the left a picture of the second worst room I stayed so far, which was in Holland.
Term | Translation |
Old world charm | No bath |
Classic | Outdated |
Tropical | Rainy |
Majestic setting | A long way from town |
Picturesque | A Western invention to explain why the beer is two times the usual price |
Family runned | Pets begging at dinner |
Guesthouse | B&B |
Pension | B&B |
Boutique hotel | A term invented to upgrade the above without major investments |
Boarding house | B&B + lousy dinner |
B&B | Expensive alternative to ringing at a stranger's door and asking to stay for the night |
Hostel | Hostile backpackers |
Low budget | Shared bathroom |
Gasthaus | The owner looks like a Nazi |
Former state-owned | Nothing has changed since then |
Lodge | Fan only, but no electricity |
Condotel | Accommodates expats, who came to the conclusion nobody can stand them |
Inn | Bar packed with local alco's |
Resort | Attractive destination for queue-jumpers at buffets |
Spa-Resort | Invented when marketing people found out the wife is the decision-maker |
All-inclusive | Luxury prison |
Extra All-inclusive | An unsuccessful attempt to get rid of queue jumpers |
Motel | It's not a porn movie the're watching next door |
Near the airport | 1:30h drive from the city centre |
Close to city centre | 0:30h drive from the city centre |
In city centre | The city has different centres |
Modern | Decorated by IKEA |
Rural | Accommodates the only bar + restaurant in the area as well |
Child friendly pool | Pee water |
Pool bar | Pee water |
Conveniently | Price + 25% |
Gay friendly | Full star hotel, but usually not the stars you had in mind |
Friendly staff | Nosey |
Options galore | Nothing is included in the itinerary |
Secluded hideaway | Impossible to find or get to |
Pre-registered rooms | Already occupied |
Explore on your own | Pay for it yourself |
Knowledgeable trip host | Speaks some pidgin English |
No extra fees | No extras |
Nominal fee | Outrageous charge |
Standard | Sub-standard |
Deluxe | Standard |
Superior | One free shower cap |
Executive | Ridiculous fee, but allowed to bring prostitutes |
Junior | Not allowed to bring prostitutes |
Dorm-room | "Hey, pass me that joint" |
All the amenities | Two free shower caps |
Plush | Top and bottom sheets |
***** | *** |
**** | ** |
*** | * |
** | No stars |
* | -1 star |
Gentle breezes | Occasional gale-force winds |
Light and airy | No air conditioning |
Family destination | Theme park nearby |
Beach front | Expect strangers peeking in |
Sea view | The remote blue spot |
Pool view | Chloride smell |
Lake view | Bring enough anti-mosquito spray |
River view | Allows you to notice that on the other side the hotels seem more attractive |
Garden view | The green patch in front of the traffic |
Affordable rooms | No view |
Eco | Economical |
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