Hotel lingo

Having stayed in hotels around the world throughout my life I came across a similar list which has been around for a long time and thought it needed some updating.
On the left a picture of the second worst room I stayed so far, which was in Holland.

Term	Translation
Old world charm	No bath
Classic	Outdated
Tropical	Rainy
Majestic setting	A long way from town
Picturesque	A Western invention to explain why the beer is two times the usual price
Family runned	Pets begging at dinner
Guesthouse	B&B
Pension	B&B
Boutique hotel	A term invented to upgrade the above without major investments
Boarding house	B&B + lousy dinner
B&B	Expensive alternative to ringing at a stranger's door and asking to stay for the night
Hostel	Hostile backpackers
Low budget	Shared bathroom
Gasthaus	The owner looks like a Nazi
Former state-owned	Nothing has changed since then
Lodge	Fan only, but no electricity
Condotel	Accommodates expats, who came to the conclusion nobody can stand them
Inn	Bar packed with local alco's
Resort	Attractive destination for queue-jumpers at buffets
Spa-Resort	Invented when marketing people found out the wife is the decision-maker
All-inclusive	Luxury prison
Extra All-inclusive	An unsuccessful attempt to get rid of queue jumpers
Motel	It's not a porn movie the're watching next door
Near the airport	1:30h drive from the city centre
Close to city centre	0:30h drive from the city centre
In city centre	The city has different centres
Modern	Decorated by IKEA
Rural	Accommodates the only bar + restaurant in the area as well
Child friendly pool	Pee water
Pool bar	Pee water
Conveniently	Price + 25%
Gay friendly	Full star hotel, but usually not the stars you had in mind
Friendly staff	Nosey
Options galore	Nothing is included in the itinerary
Secluded hideaway	Impossible to find or get to
Pre-registered rooms	Already occupied
Explore on your own	Pay for it yourself
Knowledgeable trip host	Speaks some pidgin English
No extra fees	No extras
Nominal fee	Outrageous charge
Standard	Sub-standard
Deluxe	Standard
Superior	One free shower cap
Executive	Ridiculous fee, but allowed to bring prostitutes
Junior	Not allowed to bring prostitutes
Dorm-room	"Hey, pass me that joint"
All the amenities	Two free shower caps
Plush	Top and bottom sheets
*****	***
****	**
***	*
**	No stars
*	-1 star
Gentle breezes	Occasional gale-force winds
Light and airy	No air conditioning
Family destination	Theme park nearby
Beach front	Expect strangers peeking in
Sea view	The remote blue spot
Pool view	Chloride smell
Lake view	Bring enough anti-mosquito spray
River view	Allows you to notice that on the other side the hotels seem more attractive
Garden view	The green patch in front of the traffic
Affordable rooms	No view
Eco	Economical