Useless Thai phrasebook

Edited photo, thanks to Point2

If you have ever used a phrasebook, you might have noticed that it usually will contain a lot of useless sentences which you will never need because they are either too difficult and/or will often lead to more confusion.
Below are some example phrasebook sentences which you also will never need in Thailand.

Transport
I worked on this railway, how much discount will I get?
Help! My tuk-tuk just broke into two pieces!

Conversation
What is your opinion about Schopenhauer and Kant's 'Ding ansich' theory?
At home I was considered to be a nerd, but now I understand they were wrong..

Police
My false teeth were stolen yesterday.
No you misunderstood, all I wanted to say was: I didn't like the King of Sweden..
Can I get a subscription for driving without helmet?

Romance
Do you need more money?
Why do you wear a T-shirt with "No money, no honey" on it?

Night life
I didn't know ping-pong was so popular in your country.
I don't need much sex, just a good conversation will do..

Shopping
Oh just 500 Baht, that has to be be your final price..
No, you have to think about your expenses too..

Pharmacy
Do you have any condoms with papaya pok pok flavour?
Do you have any medicines to keep smiling all day?

Eating
Can I get more chili with that?
One beer and your pretty colleague please!

Education
Where can I take lessons to become a qualified tuk-tuk driver?
Where can I learn Polka dancing?

Money
What is the current rate for the Zimbabwian Dollar?
Why I need more Baht? I already took a bath this morning..